I want a cupcake. I don't need a cupcake. Will you have a cupcake and coffee or tea with me?

Last night and tonight a feeling has been lurking. Lonely. But my sources of connection have gone away on trips and vacations and their lives in general are happening.

I keep thinking: If only I had a regular yet meaningful job that provided enough income to live in my little apartment and drive my little car and eat my little food and get Smeeshy's giant claws trimmed... I probably wouldn't feel useless and far away.

I thought about making a video of me talking to myself. And I would be telling myself to, "shhh," because no one wants to hear me and I talk too much for them to hold their attention. I don't want to bother people, but I have thoughts that want to be spoken so someone else's ears can hear them for a change. Alone I can't take all the analytical nature and make anything of it.

This stupid feeling. I knew it was still there. It only hides for periods of time. But once the TV shows, games, movies, friends and loved ones become used up; loneliness whispers and acts like it knows the truth when it's completely wrong.

:)